I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
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