i think my mom watched the whole time
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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