Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Randomize
