Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
is it fun? or sober?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
