Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
