I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
