yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
