Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I could make wine with my vomit
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
