Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
