i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
