Nicole vs. Life
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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