I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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