yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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