I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
My ass is underappreciated
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
