Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
