Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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