I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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