i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
