Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize