singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
