and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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