you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
