Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
