oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
