I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
