I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
