He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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