You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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