We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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