I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
