I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
