her vagine was all disorganized.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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