Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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