Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
