do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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