So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
