well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
