there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
