i just wanna soil my oats bro
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
