Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
