Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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