Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
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i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
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Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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