you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
