girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
