chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
