I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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