ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
