rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
