i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i would punch a child for taco bell
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
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Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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