I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
