The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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