I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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