Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
