you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
