my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
