One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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