He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
