Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
being pregnant is like rehab
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
