We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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