did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
