last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
