unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
