dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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