My friends, they love my intelligence
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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