you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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