It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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