on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Send help, water and tortillas.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
