No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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