Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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