coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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